Tuesday, July 21, 2009

its been awhile

The past few weeks have been a rough one for me. I have been missing Christian more and more nothing I do helps any. I think about the fact that he wont be here when Carter starts school for the first time and he wont be here when the Isabella arrives. I know he is in spirit but its not the same he is suppose to be here in person. Time is not healing for me not right now at least.
Someone said something today that bothered me, she said just how many shirts do you have like that(meaning with Christians photo on it) whats it matter to her if thats what I decide to wear he is my son and miss him more then anything in this world and I want him here with me! So I kept my mouth shut and went on with the conversation. If you have not lost a child then you really dont know how I am feeling or what I going through and that maybe having his face on a shirt helps me get through the day!!!


As I mentioned Carter will be starting prek this year and I am not looking forward to it. My baby boy is growing up way to fast. We have him potty trained now boy was that a trip. He finally has it for the most part. I cant believe he will be 4 in november im freaking out about that as well since he will soon be older then Christian since he was 4 1/2 when he passed away.
I only hope and pray that the next year will be easier then the last one....

As for the baby she is growing well and everything seems to be ok. My blood sugar levels have been a little up so on medicine for that and seeing the doctor every week weather it be OBGYN or Diabetic and having sono appointments thrown in there as well. I cant wait for her to get out and hopefully life will go back to "normal" for myself at least not running to appointments or taking shots. My due date is in less then 10 weeks but im really hoping and praying that she will make it out before sept. 9th and Carter goes off to school I dont want to miss his first days.

We have been redoing the nursery and it has been a roller coaster for me I could not change the theme after all so we have added to it. We had done the room for Christian when he was a baby and it has been that way ever since. But I think we have done a good job making it into a little girls room.




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