Sunday, November 30, 2008

updating

Thanksgiving is over and now christmas is on its way. The holidays just arent the same without Christian and without him its making it hard for me to get into the holiday spirit. Christian loved christmas and all the decorations and gifts and all that went with it. We did manage to decorate for Carter he is all about christmas now thanks to all of the movies that have been on already.
If it were up to me I would skip it all together this year. 
The hardest part in putting up decorations was pulling out the little tree with the little disney book ornaments, that was Christians tree he had it up in the hospital and we had it up here and every year he would help put the books on and we would argue over where to put them again it wasnt the same not having him here to help to all of this. 
We spent thanksgiving at a friends house this year and itwas nice but at the same time one of us was missing. We are going to WV for christmas to grandmas house all she wants is for her whole family to be there to have dinner and im looking forward to seeing everyone but at the same time all of my family wont be there. I dont know how im going to get through this next month.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Friday, November 14, 2008

Missing Christian...Carters bday

We are having Carters 3rd bday party on Saturday and im trying to be happy and pretend that im ok when the truth is im breaking inside, im missing Christian more and more every second of the day. Wishing he was here to celebrate Carters bday and just be here to do all the brother stuff with him. 
I went to get Carter out of bed the other morning and as soon as I walked into the room he sat up and said the babys in the sky. I often wonder if he thinks about Christian or sees him in his dreams. I hope that he does so that can be his way of remembering his brother. 

Ill add pictures from his party sometime soon. 

Monday, November 03, 2008

our little lighting mcqueen



This was halloween night, and his booboo from falling down the steps at a house.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

missing Christian

Today was All Saints day so we went to church this morning, they were remebering all that had passed away this past year. It was hard to be there and to hear his name on the list, see the candle being lite for him and hearing about the garden that we had done there. 

Halloween was ok I think what got me through it was seeing how much fun Carter had, he did however fall down some steps and as a result has a big boo boo on his nose, so for a few houses after that he would say he hurt his nose instead of saying thank you, of course my heart stopped when I looked over at him and saw him going head first. UGH!

There is not a second of the day that im not missing Christian, life is so unfair sometimes. I just want to hug my sweet boy and hold him forever. 

We are going to another support group that is starting for bereaved cancer parents monday evening. Its going to be hard to see all these parents I dont know if there will be anyone that we know attending or not. It will be nice to see them but at the sametime hard as h***.I just hope that this will help get me through the holidays.