Monday, June 23, 2008

For my sweet Christian

Its been three months today since you left me Christian and time is only getting harder. I hate not being able to hold you and touch you and hear your little laugh. I feel alone now without you,I have Carter but not you and now im broken. I would give anything in this world to have you back with me. No matter where I am Wv or home im all alone. Sure there are a couple good friends that have been there for me and listen to me when I need it or just whatever the case may be and I am so grateful for them, being away I miss them but im around support now and I dont always feel that there, I dont know maybe thats why I feel so lonely sometimes.
There is know worse pain then losing you my sweet Christian and any parent that is reading this that has lost a child knows exactly how it feels to be with out the one person you love most in this world.
I hate it that cancer has taken you away and that I only got to have 4 short years with you. Those were great years because I did have you but at the same time its not fair that, thats all you had.
Its hard when people look at me funny trying to find the right words to say or they feel awkard because im there, and what would be nice is if they would tell me something about you that I might know or even talk about something I do know. Stories is the one way I can keep here and alive.
Christian there is not a second that im not thinking of you and missing you...

Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle STARRRRR!!!!

I love you now and forever my sweet angel

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Relay for life








Last night was the 1st relay for life for summers county. I had debated on going or not and eventually I did. The first while was going ok Carter wanted to play games and look around. But when they had the survivors line up I lost it so the whole time they were doing there lap I was happy for them but heartbroken that Christian was not there to walk with them. I do not even really remember walking the caregivers lap for I was crying during that as well.
It has been 3 months now and sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago and others like it was yesterday.
Grandma got to go home Saturday and is doing well.

Friday, June 20, 2008

grandma/update

Sorry its taken a few days to update you all we just got to mom and dads and im able to get online now. Grandma had her surgery on Tuesday and things went well the doctor said he believes he got everything she had an MRI Wednesday but right now i dont know the results. She was walking around, eating and looked good on Wed. If she remains well she might get to go home this weekend. I know that Christian was watching over her and making sure things went ok. I have to say though it was harder on me then I thought. When I went back to see her before surgery it reminded me of being in that same spot with Christian and the waiting all day. I am more then relieved that things are ok for her. Thank you to everyone for you prayers once again.


As I said we have made it to mom and dads. After a long week of running to the hospital im looking forward to resting for awhile. Carter has been in the yard riding his new 4wheeler they got him and keeps saying that he brokie it :) Of course he loves watching the choo choo's when they go by and is loving that he is around Chrissy and Dutch again. Dutch is my parents dog.
We are looking forward to when daddy gets to come down and join us we are hoping the next few weeks go by quickly.

Yesterday was Christians class pre-k graduation I to be there but felt my place was with the family. I hope that all of the kids and staff had a good day and thank you for honoring our sweet Christian and his little friend.

Will update again soon.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

prayers please/update

The past few days have not been going so well, with missing Christian every second of the day and now my grandma is having medical issues on top of having brain tumors which she is suppose to be having surgery for but now they have to wait until the other issues are better. So I am asking for extra prayers for my grandma Bessie and the rest of our family that she and we will be able to get through this.
I am asking our sweet Christian to be with her every time I turn around he can be her gaurdian angel.

Again im sorry if im not responding to you in a timely fashion but the past weeks have been rough on me and im just trying to get through each minute with out breaking down. This is by far the worst possible thing that could happen to a parent. So to all of the parents that are reading this please give your children extra hugs and kisses and tell them that you love them all the time, and live life for now spend time with them go on trips do whatever you can to do just to be with your children.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Christians garden at house









We had a memorial party here working in our backyard garden. We have made a special place there for Christian.


Christians memorial garden





here are the flowers we planted at the church garden