sad

Christmas has come and gone and I found that this year was alot harder for me. I miss Christian every second of the day. I see Carter playing with Isabella and think Christian would love her so much and love being her big brother.

I can not believe that it was our second christmas without him. Carter talks about him alot now days and even says he wants him back home to play. I know someone day he will fully understand all of this but right now its heartbreaking.


Isabella will be 4months on the 1st I cannot believe that. She is growing fast. Carter is as well and seems to like school he had his first concert lastweek it was really cute.

Im hoping the pain will ease up and I will be able to have happy moments someday.
I love you forever my sweet Christian!

Yesterday Carter and I decorated the Christmas tree I was doing fine until I opened the box and saw all of Christians homemade ornaments ones we had made and from school. So I decided to let Carter do most of the decorating and I just watched him. He was having so much fun and that was worth the sadness. Of course Isabella watched the whole time smiling and cooing. Seeing everything through there eyes is a wonderful thing.

There is not a second that im not missing Christian and im trying my hardest to get through the holidays for the kids. Carter said the other day that he wants to hug Christian again and that he misses him. It is times like that, that my heart breaks even more so. But at the same time I am happy that he remembers him.

I love you today, tomorrow and forever Christian <3>

my babies

Its been awhile

First off Carter has started pre k this year and so far seems to like it, even though every morning he will say I dont wanna go to school momma. It has been good for him he comes home and will start singing the songs he has learned or counting. I love to hear that from him but at the same time I get a little sad because my baby boy is growing up :(

He turns 4 on Nov. 17th and ive been sad for this birthday pretty soon he will be older then his older brother and that was never suppose to happen. I know that Carter is healthy but theres that fear that when he turns 4 1/2 something will happen to him as well. He is looking more and more like Christian every day I cant help but think about how much fun those two would be having running around after one another.

This weekend we will be getting Isabella baptized and im emotional over that as well, for its the same church that Christian and Carter both were but also the same church that we had Christians service. I know that he will be there in spirit but he is suppose to be there in person.

I really feel like she can see him though when she will look up into the ceiling and start smiling for no reason. At least I hope she can.

There is not a second of the day that im not thinking or missing Christian. I wondered what he would have wanted to be for halloween this year. And what he would have wanted to his 6th birthday. And how much fun he would be having in 1st grade. What would he think of his little sister.

I was asked the other day if she was my first and of course I said no and then was ask does the older two help out with her then. And then there is that moment of why did you have to ask me this going through my head. But I say yes Carter does and leave it at that. What made it worse was it was someone from church I just wish someone would have filled them in on us before they said something. They did not know because they are somewhat new to church. So someday I might have to fill them in I just could not bring myself to do it that day.

I will post a few photos in a few gotta feed Bella now.

Isabella Willow

Isabella Willow made it to the world on Tuesday 9/1/09 at 8:45pm weighing 7lbs and 3ozs and 19 inches long.

photos that were done for us by another angels momma

some photos christians garden and nursery

its been awhile

The past few weeks have been a rough one for me. I have been missing Christian more and more nothing I do helps any. I think about the fact that he wont be here when Carter starts school for the first time and he wont be here when the Isabella arrives. I know he is in spirit but its not the same he is suppose to be here in person. Time is not healing for me not right now at least.

Someone said something today that bothered me, she said just how many shirts do you have like that(meaning with Christians photo on it) whats it matter to her if thats what I decide to wear he is my son and miss him more then anything in this world and I want him here with me! So I kept my mouth shut and went on with the conversation. If you have not lost a child then you really dont know how I am feeling or what I going through and that maybe having his face on a shirt helps me get through the day!!!

As I mentioned Carter will be starting prek this year and I am not looking forward to it. My baby boy is growing up way to fast. We have him potty trained now boy was that a trip. He finally has it for the most part. I cant believe he will be 4 in november im freaking out about that as well since he will soon be older then Christian since he was 4 1/2 when he passed away.

I only hope and pray that the next year will be easier then the last one....

As for the baby she is growing well and everything seems to be ok. My blood sugar levels have been a little up so on medicine for that and seeing the doctor every week weather it be OBGYN or Diabetic and having sono appointments thrown in there as well. I cant wait for her to get out and hopefully life will go back to "normal" for myself at least not running to appointments or taking shots. My due date is in less then 10 weeks but im really hoping and praying that she will make it out before sept. 9th and Carter goes off to school I dont want to miss his first days.

We have been redoing the nursery and it has been a roller coaster for me I could not change the theme after all so we have added to it. We had done the room for Christian when he was a baby and it has been that way ever since. But I think we have done a good job making it into a little girls room.

Baby News

I had a sono yesterday and we found out this baby is a GIRL....so cartie was right all along. She was being stubborn so this is the best picture they could take. She is already acting like her big brothers :)

a year today.....

I can not believe its been a whole year today since you left us here on earth my sweet Christian. I miss you more and more every day. Life just is not the same without you, my heart is broken.
This morning Carter said he wanted to come see you and he has been talking about you all weekend. He sure does miss his big brother to.
I am so angry that you had to die from cancer and that your life was cut so short. What I would not do to have you back with us.
We sold some choc. candies and raised money for ependymoma research in your memory god how I wish it was in your honor. I only hope that one day they will have a cure and other families wont have to go through what ours has to.
I know you are with us each and every day in spirit and in our hearts but I miss hugging you,smelling you, hearing those I love you mommys. I miss being able to lay down beside you and sleep. God I miss everything about you.I hate that you arent here to teach Carter stuff and to fight with him.
We miss you our little angel....

We love you now and forever our sweet sweet Christian.......

updating

Its been awhile since ive posted but wanted to let you all know how we are doing. We filled out paperwork for prek so hopefully next year he will get to go to school.

A few weeks ago Carter runs up to me when I walked into the door and said theres a baby in your belly and of course I thought he was crazy and wondered why he would say something like that. I went to OBGYN today and I am nine weeks pregnant due in late september. He also said its a girl so only time will tell on that one. But I have to think that our sweet Christian had something to do with all of this.

I miss him more and more every day and I can only hope he will watch over this new baby like he does Carter....

its been awhile

So I thought I would update, we are all doing ok for the most part. Carter has a cold so im hoping that will pass soon.
There is not a second in the day that im not missing you Christian and wishing you were here with us.

We are trying to raise money for ependy research and right now we are selling some choc. suckers that our friend(christians girl friend) Vicky help me make. We will be selling them this Friday night at the Airport Lanes (bowling alley). I want to be able to make a donation by March 23rd that will mark one year since our sweet Christian left us. And im hoping that one day they will find a cure for this so that noone else will have to endure the pain that we are going through every day. So if you would like to make a donation to help the other children you can email me at amikinsjo@yahoo.com for more information. Thank you

I cant wait for spring so I can start working in his garden again, im so tired of seeing all the snow back there....

prayers needed

I found out today that my grandma Bessie does not have one tumor but they found another one. Both are around her eye. As of right now they are going to do another MRI in February to see if its growing. This is all I know right now but I do know that my family could use all of the extra prayers that are out there. 

Expanding Photo business

Hi everyone, I wanted to let you know that ive expanded my photography business onto cafepress, this way I can sell the photos on other items. www.cafepress.com/cncphoto 

Update on us, christmas was a little rough for me I was missing Christian and it wasnt the same without him. We did go to grandmas so that was nice to see the family. I hope everyones holidays went well.

updating/prayers needed

We took Carter to see santa last weekend and he would not sit on his lap infact he would not let go of Darren. But santa was nice enough to stand to get a photo. We are getting ready for christmas now making our plans for going to wv and spend time with the family. I am having more and more bad moments these days christmas just isnt the same.

Im asking for prayers for some family members. Grandma Bessie has to have another surgery after the new year for yet another tumor this one is below/around her eye. My aunt Mary who has been battling cancer for a long time now and is not doing so well, also ive just found out that my other aunt Graceann found out she has cancer and it doesnt look to well for her. So as you see there is to much cancer in my family,im just hoping I will be alright and can handle being around everyone for the holidays. 

We are having dinner/christmas saturday with some good friends and then on sunday with Darrens family, we will be having ours on christmas eve to change things up alittle. So as you can see our weekend is going to be really busy. 

Also keep all of the families that have lost there children this past year in your thoughts and prayers over the holiday season.

Christmas

First off we want to thank everyone that has sent us christmas cards. We would like everyone to know that we will not be doing cards this year and we hope that you all understand. If we did not have Carter we would skip it all together this year.

That being said with christmas right around the corner im finding myself having more and more bad days. When I wake up I dont want to get out of bed but I have to for Carter, I wake up angry anymore that ^Christian^ got cancer and then it took his life. There is no greater pain then a mother/father  mourning there child. It will be nine months on the 23rd since he left us and it the pain is only getting worse. 

Carter ask me one day while I was upset what was wrong with me he said in his sweet little voice are you sad mommy, so I said yes I am mommy is missing Christian. So he took me by the hand over to the window and opened the curtian to point up to the sky and said mommy the babys in the sky. That broke my heart.

So once again if you are reading this and you have children doesnt matter there age tell them you love them every single day and give them hugs and kisses. 

Missing you more then anything my sweet Christian wishing you were here with me right now snuggling on my lap....I wish I could hold you my sweet Angel.

updating

Thanksgiving is over and now christmas is on its way. The holidays just arent the same without Christian and without him its making it hard for me to get into the holiday spirit. Christian loved christmas and all the decorations and gifts and all that went with it. We did manage to decorate for Carter he is all about christmas now thanks to all of the movies that have been on already.

If it were up to me I would skip it all together this year. 

The hardest part in putting up decorations was pulling out the little tree with the little disney book ornaments, that was Christians tree he had it up in the hospital and we had it up here and every year he would help put the books on and we would argue over where to put them again it wasnt the same not having him here to help to all of this. 

We spent thanksgiving at a friends house this year and itwas nice but at the same time one of us was missing. We are going to WV for christmas to grandmas house all she wants is for her whole family to be there to have dinner and im looking forward to seeing everyone but at the same time all of my family wont be there. I dont know how im going to get through this next month.

carters bday pics

Missing Christian...Carters bday

We are having Carters 3rd bday party on Saturday and im trying to be happy and pretend that im ok when the truth is im breaking inside, im missing Christian more and more every second of the day. Wishing he was here to celebrate Carters bday and just be here to do all the brother stuff with him. 

I went to get Carter out of bed the other morning and as soon as I walked into the room he sat up and said the babys in the sky. I often wonder if he thinks about Christian or sees him in his dreams. I hope that he does so that can be his way of remembering his brother. 

Ill add pictures from his party sometime soon. 

our little lighting mcqueen

This was halloween night, and his booboo from falling down the steps at a house.

missing Christian

Today was All Saints day so we went to church this morning, they were remebering all that had passed away this past year. It was hard to be there and to hear his name on the list, see the candle being lite for him and hearing about the garden that we had done there. 

Halloween was ok I think what got me through it was seeing how much fun Carter had, he did however fall down some steps and as a result has a big boo boo on his nose, so for a few houses after that he would say he hurt his nose instead of saying thank you, of course my heart stopped when I looked over at him and saw him going head first. UGH!

There is not a second of the day that im not missing Christian, life is so unfair sometimes. I just want to hug my sweet boy and hold him forever. 

We are going to another support group that is starting for bereaved cancer parents monday evening. Its going to be hard to see all these parents I dont know if there will be anyone that we know attending or not. It will be nice to see them but at the sametime hard as h***.I just hope that this will help get me through the holidays.

 

Prayers Needed

For the Meyers family, there son Christian passed away on sunday. Please keep his family in your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. His mom is also battling cancer so please say an extra prayer for her.
Thank you

carties pics

missing him

As the holidays get closer im missing Christian even more. I wish he was here so I could hug, kiss and hold him. A big part of our family is missing and no day will ever be the same. As I sit and watch Carter playing in the pjs that Christian wore last year it makes me sad and now that Carter is starting to use the potty it makes me realize that Christian would have done that two years ago if he would not have gotten sick.

I know that they are two different children but when u lose one of them this is just how a parent feels about things, and for all the ones that are reading this they understand what im saying.

Ive been down myself I hurt something in my hip area and have not been able to do to much for over a week. So that gives a lot of time to sit and think and miss him.I am starting to feel a little better now but I cant wait to be fully recovered.

We went out on Sunday and took some pictures of Carter for his 3rd bday in Nov. I honestly dont know what I would do with out him. He has been a blessing for us something to get up for everymorning. We are getting to know him now and that makes me sad that we missed so much of his life but we had to be with Christian.

Anyways ill add a couple of pics of Cartie in a new message....

3 years

It was 3 years ago today that our lives forever changed. Our first stop was to the peds office and from there to Children's to the ER, we were expecting to hear news about his tonsils or something to do with ENT. But when Darren and Christian came back to the room where I was waiting and he said that he thinks there was something on his brain I did not want to believe it, I shoved it off to the fall that he had a few months earlier and that he was going to be just fine.

A few minutes later two doctors came into that tiny room that we were waiting with sad looks on there face. The woman doctor came closer to us and said that the CT showed there was a spot on Christians brain and they believed it was a tumor. No parent wants to hear this about there baby, and of course we were in shock even when the NS came in to talk to us and let us know that Christian would need surgery, we left the er and went to ICU that was the longest and most confusing night.

So this explained why he was so sick for a month and why he wasn't walking. But again how could this happen to a beautiful 2 year old. I remember I was wearing a teal sweater and was 7and half months pregnant.And seeing my beautiful Christian so sick and feeling so helpless. That was the day that we entered in the world of Brain Tumors and doctors,surgeries,chemo's,radiation.

Today is a day I will never forget. I miss you my sweet sweet Christian and will love you forever.

Prayers for Owens family

I wanted to ask everyone to say an extra prayer for Owen Piebers family he earned his wings this week. Jen I hope that you are doing ok and please know that im here for you whenever you need me.
Hugs to you!

Happy 5th Birthday in Heaven Christian 10-03

Here are a few pictures of us honoring Christians birthday, we went to the pumpkin farm to honor him,we have taken Christian there every year since he was two weeks old so we thought what better way then that.

We miss you our sweet boy.
Ive posted this a few days late but things have been crazy around here.

We went out to Chilis Monday night to support St Jude and Carter colored a pepper in memory of his brother.

Please read

Have you seen a gold ribbon? Do you know what it stands for? Have you heard that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month?
I am the mother of a child living with brain cancer, a diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma. I finished breast cancer treatment on July 10th and flew from Michigan to West Virginia that day for the funeral of another child...a beautiful fourteen year old girl who lost her battle with the same rare brain cancer.
Everywhere I look I see pink ribbons, I feel gratefulness...and I feel anguish. According to an article published in the New York Times on September 22, 2008, as a result of advances in treatment "...98 percent of women with early-stage [breast] cancers survive at least five years.." Why is this true? Because we have banded together to raise awareness and funding for our mothers, our sisters, our aunts, and our daughters. Our children who are living with-and dying from-cancer desperately need that same attention...and funding.
Helen Jonsen, Forbes.com senior editor and mother of a child who recently underwent treatment for osteosarcoma, stated in a September 12th article, "Cancer is the No. 1 disease killer of children in the U.S. ...We tend to talk about it in hushed tones instead of screaming for help. But scream we should." The article goes on to say, "The funding for pediatric cancer clinical trials has gone down every year since 2003, and is currently $26.4 million. By comparison, NCI funding for AIDS research was $254 million in 2006; funding for breast cancer topped $584 million the same year."
September 13th was our nation's first Childhood Cancer Awareness Day. When I didn't see anything about it in the news-but I did hear about National Talk Like a Pirate Day a couple days later, I made some calls to our local news stations. For some reason I can't get the words of one of the story editors out of my mind. "So...what's your event?" Later."Pitch me a story."

Let's see...ummmm...would the deaths of 2,300 children each year be newsworthy? What about the diagnosis of 46 children each and every school day? What about the fact that only 2/3 of children diagnosed with cancer will survive? We could move on to funding. Is it newsworthy that for every dollar spent on a patient with prostate cancer, less than 20 cents is spent on a child with cancer...or that a patient with breast cancer has triple the research resource allocated to her when compared to a child?

When I mentioned that Child Cancer Awareness Day--and month--are a national thing, I was told, 'We put local news first.' Okay...I can handle that. A local event...I have a list of them. The shock of a family receiving a breast cancer diagnosis on an October Monday afternoon, and taking their six-year-old to the Emergency Room on Thursday only to be told, "There is a large area of swelling in the brainstem; we suspect a mass." We could always throw in the comic relief of the words, "My mom has a mass!" coming out of the mouth on that happy little face.

How about a mother leaving the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit late that night to go home because she knows she needs to get a good night's sleep before attending an Interdisciplinary Clinic early the next morning...where her own treatment plan will be recommended? How about a local pastor, husband, and father being given the specifics of his son's grim diagnosis and prognosis in one hospital while waiting for news of the specifics of his wife's diagnosis and prognosis from the Cancer Center at another hospital?

How about an 11-year-old boy and an 8-year-old girl being abruptly pulled out of the routine world of reading, writing, arithmetic, language, history and science as taught to them by Mom at home...and being thrown into a class on brain anatomy and abnormalities (specifically their little brother's) taught appropriately and compassionately by an MSU med school professor...who also happens to be their brother's new oncologist?

How about a six-year-old who finds himself no longer able to play the piano, the violin, or the cello because he has lost the strength on the left side of his body?
How about a mother waking up in her child's hospital room one morning, showering, and walking downstairs for her lumpectomy...while her husband takes over the duties of hospital parent and waits anxiously in his son's room for news of his wife's surgery?

Looking for a human interest story? Try the same mother moving back into the hospital early on a Sunday morning four days later so that her husband, a pastor, can be in church...only to watch in disbelief as her fun-loving, active six-year-old--determined not to have an accident--becomes too weak to sit up to go to the bathroom on a bedside commode. What about the willingness of that little boy to allow the nurses to help him even with the most private of things...because he knows his mother is recovering from surgery and he is concerned for her well-being?

Not sensational enough? Let's fastforward to Saturday, November 24th, 2007...two days after Thanksgiving. A mother sits in a hospital room with her sleeping son. She ends a phone call because she hears an alarm she has never heard before, an alarm letting the nurses know that her son's oxygen level is dropping. Soon the room is full, and it is determined that the child is disoriented, then staring ahead...completely unresponsive. Somehow everyone moves with the child on that bed through the hallways to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit where the intensivist begins the work of saving a precious life. Aside, the question parents never want to hear, though one that must be asked, "Given his prognosis-do you want us to resuscitate him, if necessary?" The father, who has just arrived, breaks down in the unbelievable stress of the moment. The mother realizes the urgency of the situation, pushes emotions aside, and asks, 'Do we know what is happening?' The answer is no. 'Then, yes, we want you to do everything you can for him.' She stands at the foot of the bed with one of her son's oncologists. Together, they watch the PICU team work...with purpose...like a machine. The mother steps outside the room only when the child is intubated. The drama continues, as the entire department revolves around that one room...that one little boy.... The eyes of those outside the room...every nurse, every resident, every doctor...are looking in the same direction. The parents sign permissions as they are handed to them, and the work goes on. Everything seems to be happening in slow motion. Finally, the intensivist approaches. The child is critical, but stable...on life support....

I have just highlighted the first month of our new life in the pediatric cancer world. I am aware of five precious children who died this week--within five days--as a result of just one type of rare cancerous brain tumor, the same as my son's. Skyler...Adam...Mara... Brynne... and Lauren. They belonged to all of us. What will it take for people outside of the childhood cancer community to notice what is happening to our children? What will it take for everyone to understand the urgency of the situation? What will it take for the federal, state and local governments to finally engage in the fight? Will it be the cancer diagnosis of a celebrity's child or the child of a political leader? Will it be the death of a child belonging to someone in the media? Will it be your child?
Please, join the effort to raise childhood cancer awareness. Show your support by wearing a gold ribbon, and by making the issue an important topic of conversation. Distribute copies of this letter in your place of employment, in your place of worship, and in your community. Contact government officials, and express your concern.
A decade ago, we noticed a person wearing a pink ribbon on a t-shirt or lapel. It didn't take long for pink ribbons to raise breast cancer awareness in the public eye, and to mobilize our society to action. I hope that in 10 years gold ribbons will be as common as pink ribbons...and that the survival rates for pediatric cancers will be comparable to those for breast cancer. With your help, it will happen...one gold ribbon at a time.
With Hope for Our Children,
Sandy Smith Breast Cancer Survivor & Mother of a Child who is Battling Brain Cancerhttp://www.caringbridge/.org/visit/aws

Go to Chili's for dinner tonight!!!

Eat at Chili’s on Monday, Sept. 29, when Chili’s will donate 100 percent of profits from participating restaurant sales to St. Jude.

6 months

Today is the 6 month mark since Christian passed away. Its hard to believe that its been that long already, and yet so much has changed since that day. There is not a moment that goes by that im not thinking, missing and wishing he was here with us. 

Life just isnt the same since  you left us my sweet boy. The day you left us was the day that we were born again. There will always be something missing in our lives, we miss seeing that beautiful half smile, and those big brown eyes. But most of all hearing those I love you's and kisses and hugs. 

Carter is taking after you now he likes to wear lipstick...its hard to see but at the same it reminds me of you. 

We love you our sweet Christian and you will never be forgotten.

updating

So its been a little while since ive last posted....things here are about the same. We all have been sick off and on. We have been doing home improvement projects to try and stay busy. But in reality no matter how much work you do you never stop thinking about the loss that has happened.
Christians birthday is quickly approaching and to be honest I have no clue how im going to get through it,just thinking about it is making me upset. And thats just the start of the next few months, with his bday, and holidays I just dont know how I/we are going to do it. I know we still have Carter and we will have to be strong and do things for him but I honestly dont know how.

There has been heartache in my old home town, another mother has lost a child it was not from cancer but an accident but its still the same, its very sad to hear about that and im sorry that it happened but now I worry for his mother and how she will do. I know our losses were different but its still the same and so im asking for everyone to say a prayer for the Willis family and that they will make it through this rough time.
You really find out who your true friends are in times like this. And I am so thankful for the ones that I have and I hope they know who im talking about.
I would also like to ask that you would saya prayer for Mary and Alex, they are grandma and son to one of my best friends. Mary is in the hospital and not sure whats wrong exactly and dont know if her heart is strong enough for a sugery. Alex is having some problems and his mom is very worried about him, Also my grandma Bessie has told me that they think she now has a tumor under her eye. I dont know how much more of this cancer crap one person can take.
I guess im done rambling for now......

Awareness Shirts

Another Angels mom has made a tshirt design for Septembers childhood awareness month here is the link to shirts. http://www.cafepress.com/teamunite

Sad

School time is right around the corner and as I see the buses drive by I cant help but get upset and miss Christian even more. He is suppose to be getting on the bus and going to kindergarten this year and after that he is suppose to turn 5 in Oct. and go trick or treating, be at his brothers bday party, have thanksgiving and christmas. But unfortunately he is not here to do all of these things and it makes me very sad. I know that he is here in spirit but its not the same as being able to see that beautiful smile he has when he is excited or happy.
I am hoping that the next few months will go by quickly, I know that we still have Carter and I'm going to try and make this time for him special but I just don't know how I'm going to get through it.

few pics of Christians garden

updating

Sorry Ive not updated in awhile but Ive been busy getting some things done. We are back from WV got back about a week ago. John Henry Days went OK I took close to 1000 pics for them. We also went to Cass Scenic Railroad took a ride on a train up a mountain. Carter loved it we had fun but at the same time it was sad for me because we had promised to take Christian there someday and never made it. I know that he was with us but it wasn't the same.

There has been a few different times that we have had some fun and it doesn't feel right afterwards. I am missing Christian more and more these days. It was hard coming back home this time as I was putting things away I ran across Christians certificate from school and an album of course I loved to see it but at the same time I was heart broken. he was suppose to move on this year from pre-k. Its been just about 4 months and what they say is true the longer it goes the harder it gets.

just updating

The 4th went ok as usual Iwas wishing that Christian was here enjoying the day with us. Carter had a good time up until the loud fireworks went off and then he ran to his nana and said no more no more...how ever he did like the quiet ones.

I like being in WV but I am missing home now. It will be nice to go back and have Chrissy with us. She has gotten big over the past few months but Carter and her play all day and its cute to watch. Hopefully she will be a nice distraction and I will enjoy what summer there is.

Hope everyone has a nice holiday.

My sister a friend and I will be going to see grandma in a couple days it will be nice to see how she is doing and to spend sometime with her.

prayers please/update

Everywhere I look I see something that reminds me of you Christian. The past few days have been rough for me, when I see how much fun Carter is having here at nan and pappaws I think Christian would be having such a great time here as well, riding the truck,swimming and just being with them. My heart breaks more and more each day. Sometimes its all I can do to get through a day.
I also want to ask for prayers for a family who is going to be going through this hell that we are unfortunately, his name is Christian as well and his family is going through hard times the mom is going through cancer herself right now so please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

I love you Christian William now and forever

For my sweet Christian

Its been three months today since you left me Christian and time is only getting harder. I hate not being able to hold you and touch you and hear your little laugh. I feel alone now without you,I have Carter but not you and now im broken. I would give anything in this world to have you back with me. No matter where I am Wv or home im all alone. Sure there are a couple good friends that have been there for me and listen to me when I need it or just whatever the case may be and I am so grateful for them, being away I miss them but im around support now and I dont always feel that there, I dont know maybe thats why I feel so lonely sometimes.
There is know worse pain then losing you my sweet Christian and any parent that is reading this that has lost a child knows exactly how it feels to be with out the one person you love most in this world.
I hate it that cancer has taken you away and that I only got to have 4 short years with you. Those were great years because I did have you but at the same time its not fair that, thats all you had.
Its hard when people look at me funny trying to find the right words to say or they feel awkard because im there, and what would be nice is if they would tell me something about you that I might know or even talk about something I do know. Stories is the one way I can keep here and alive.
Christian there is not a second that im not thinking of you and missing you...

Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle STARRRRR!!!!

I love you now and forever my sweet angel

Relay for life

Last night was the 1st relay for life for summers county. I had debated on going or not and eventually I did. The first while was going ok Carter wanted to play games and look around. But when they had the survivors line up I lost it so the whole time they were doing there lap I was happy for them but heartbroken that Christian was not there to walk with them. I do not even really remember walking the caregivers lap for I was crying during that as well.

It has been 3 months now and sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago and others like it was yesterday.

Grandma got to go home Saturday and is doing well.

grandma/update

Sorry its taken a few days to update you all we just got to mom and dads and im able to get online now. Grandma had her surgery on Tuesday and things went well the doctor said he believes he got everything she had an MRI Wednesday but right now i dont know the results. She was walking around, eating and looked good on Wed. If she remains well she might get to go home this weekend. I know that Christian was watching over her and making sure things went ok. I have to say though it was harder on me then I thought. When I went back to see her before surgery it reminded me of being in that same spot with Christian and the waiting all day. I am more then relieved that things are ok for her. Thank you to everyone for you prayers once again.


As I said we have made it to mom and dads. After a long week of running to the hospital im looking forward to resting for awhile. Carter has been in the yard riding his new 4wheeler they got him and keeps saying that he brokie it :) Of course he loves watching the choo choo's when they go by and is loving that he is around Chrissy and Dutch again. Dutch is my parents dog.
We are looking forward to when daddy gets to come down and join us we are hoping the next few weeks go by quickly.

Yesterday was Christians class pre-k graduation I to be there but felt my place was with the family. I hope that all of the kids and staff had a good day and thank you for honoring our sweet Christian and his little friend.

Will update again soon.

prayers please/update

The past few days have not been going so well, with missing Christian every second of the day and now my grandma is having medical issues on top of having brain tumors which she is suppose to be having surgery for but now they have to wait until the other issues are better. So I am asking for extra prayers for my grandma Bessie and the rest of our family that she and we will be able to get through this.
I am asking our sweet Christian to be with her every time I turn around he can be her gaurdian angel.

Again im sorry if im not responding to you in a timely fashion but the past weeks have been rough on me and im just trying to get through each minute with out breaking down. This is by far the worst possible thing that could happen to a parent. So to all of the parents that are reading this please give your children extra hugs and kisses and tell them that you love them all the time, and live life for now spend time with them go on trips do whatever you can to do just to be with your children.

Christians garden at house

We had a memorial party here working in our backyard garden. We have made a special place there for Christian.

Christians memorial garden

here are the flowers we planted at the church garden

Christians memorial garden

We arent finished yet but I wanted to share what we have done with everyone.

For my sweet Christian

There is not a moment of the day that im thinking of you Christian. I miss you more and more everyday. I miss seeing that beautiful face and hearing those I love you momma's. I still dont undersand why god had to take you away from us and I might never get that. I know that you are no longer in pain and free of cancer but why did you have to get cancer in the first place. I hope you know how much I love you and always will.
Your pre-k graduation is approaching and it makes me very sad knowing that you will not being joining your friends on that day and moving up to kindergarden. I hope that you will be with me that day as I watch all your little friends and see everyone that you loved and loved you. I know that you loved school and this is why im going, I feel like this is what you want me to.
We are starting to work on your garden at church I hope you like what we do to honor you my sweet boy.
Mommy loves you and misses you my sweet angel Christian.

carters room

update on us

Things around here have been busy we were working on Carters room, the backyard and the garden for Christian in the back. Plus trying to get things worked out for his special garden at the church which we will be working on that very soon.

It will be 7 weeks since Christian passed on this sunday. And im not looking forward to mothers day this year. I know we still have Carter but its just to soon for me. I have started working on the house and everytime I would pick something up something of Christians would be underneath it, I am having a really hard time now and missing him more then ever. The more time goes by the harder this is getting. So again if I dont return emails or phone calls im just not in the mood to talk. I will add some pics soon of Carters room and the garden so far.

Christians Urn

Here is the urn we have gotten for Christian. We would like to thank Phyllis from Candle Perfection. It looks beautiful and we know that Christian would have loved it.

update on us

We are trying to finish up Carters room makeover so when its all finished I will add some pics. Its Christians last gift to his brother.

I am missing that sweet boy more and more time does not get easier. I am sorry if I dont email,or call anyone right now I just dont feel like talking all that much right now.

Please keep Averyanns family in your prayers I have just learned that she is not doing that well and is in the hospital. The family does not know how much longer they have with her so please pray for strength for this family.You can visit her site www.averyann.net to check on her and leave a comment if you want.

update on us

These past few days have been a little rough for me. Darren has went back to work and now its just me and carter at home. When he is napping that leaves alot of time for thinking and being sad.
The other day I think Christian was coming out in Carter because he looked at me after i said something to him and he gave me his fist.Christian would do that all the time if he was mad at us or was playing around.
We are starting work on our garden, doing the clean up and so on. We are waiting for the sign to be made and sent back before we start working on the garden at the church. If you would like to make donations towards that you can email me and I will give you the address. amikinsjo@yahoo.com it will be nice to be able to sit out in the garden and think of him and how he loved to pick the flowers and give them to me.
I thank god we have Carter to help us get through this rough time. He makes us smile everyday and makes us want to go on. He has been more loveable lately giving hugs and kisses and wants to be rocked like a baby.

Hi everyone im asking you to please keep the Henry family in your thoughts and prayers the next few days they lost there little one unexpectedly, it was a classmate of Christians.

Sunday will make 3weeks since we lost our sweet Christian and there is not a second of the day that im not thinking or missing him.

We made it home today. Thanks again for all of your continued thoughts and prayers.

Ok ive added a bunch of pics they are in the next 4 post enjoy them

few more favorite pics enjoy them

pic

here are two of our last days with him he is so beautiful

pics

here are afew pics of the balloons that camp good days let go after the service,it was a beautiful thing to see them all flying high to christian

pics

Here we are on our lastday with our sweet christian. we didnt know that it was going to be our last day so these mean so much to us now.

updating

Today we took Carter fishing it was hard to even go because Christian loved it so much. However right now Carter is not really into it he wanted to run around and play in the dirt.
Its been an up and down for me today I just really miss my sweet boy, it hurts to look at his pictures but at the time he is so beautiful that I just cant stop.
Darrens bday was yesterday and mine is this saturday they just arent the same without having him here with us. We arent celebrating this year but we are trying to have ok days. There are moments that things seem to be normal (what we consider to be) but later there is guilt for feeling that way because he has only been gone a little over a week now. We know that he is probally looking down on us telling us to enjoy ourselves and Carter but at the same time it just doesnt feel right.
We gave Carter a hair cut ill post pics sometime in the near future.

what is normal life

Its been a week now since Christian earned his wings and this has been the hardest week for us. There is a whole in our hearts that will never be filled. CANCER SUCKS!!! No one should ever have to lose a child.
Our life for the past 2 and half years has been all about cancer and taking care of Christian and now that he is gone its like what am I suppose to do now. Normal life as we call it kinda sucks right now and the only thing that is making us happy is seeing our beautiful Carter laughing,and having fun.
We knew he touched a lot of people by seeing how many was at the service. Its hard to believe a sweet little 4 yr old could touch so many people.
Being in WV doesn't take any pain away and we know what will be home when we get there. Its just as hard being here as it is there Christian loved being down here and that is what I'm trying to hold on to. All of the places that he loved and what he loved to do. We are going to take Carter fishing sometime in honor of Christian we are hoping that he will be as still as Christian was by the water :)
Thank you again for all of your prayers.

What A Beautiful Service/Thank you's

Thank you to Stephan and Burns funeral home, Pastor Mary Kelly and Organist Connie Myers for the beautiful service today. Thank you to the Folks at Time Warner and "The Catering Company" for providing the wonderful luncheon afterwards. Thank you to Jim and the rest at Graser's Florist for the lovely floral arrangements. Thank you to Pap, Grandpa, Mike and Tim for serving as Pallbearers. Also thank you to the folks at Camp Good Days for the balloon release. We couldn't have asked for a better way to celebrate our son's life. Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers and support.

View/Sign Guestbook
Christian W. Showers
SHOWERS-Christian W. March 23, 2008, age 4, beloved son of Darren and Amy Showers; dearest brother of Carter Showers; also survived by 2 aunts, 5 grandparents, 2 great grandparents and 2 great-great grandparents. Friends may call Tuesday from 2-4 & 7-9 PM at the STEPHAN-BURNS FUNERAL HOME INC, 266 East St. at Austin. Services will be held on Wednesday at 11 AM at The University United Methodist Church, 410 Minnesota Ave, Buffalo, NY. In lieu of or in addition to flowers donations may be made to The Christian Showers Memorial Garden Fund.

Final Arrangements

Viewing services will be held from 2-4pm and 7-9pm on Tuesday at Stephan-Burns Funeral Home at 266 East St. Buffalo 14207. The Funeral Service will be had at 11:00am on Wednesday at the University United Methodist Church at 410 Minnesota Ave. Buffalo 14215. All are welcome. Thank you for your continued support. Floral arrangements can be made with Graser's Florist at 399 Amherst St. Buffalo 14207 (800) 536-2837.

Our angel earned his wings

It breaks my heart to write this update, at 3:30 this afternoon Christian passed away. I will add the arrangements when we know what they will be. Thank you to everyone that prays for our family.

update

Things have been about the same here, yesterday while giving him a bath his breathing had paused around 5 times so that was a little scary once again thinking is this it.
Carter gave him kisses this morning and said bye bye , I know carter doesn't understand anything but maybe Christian needed to hear him say that who knows at this point he is a stubborn little guy.
We would like to thank everyone again that has sent us food, it is greatly appreciated.

update

Christian is the same, still hanging on.
I have been letting my hair grow long and decided a while back to cut it for locks of love,lastnight our friend was over and I did it. Cut it all off so here are before and after pics.

pics

Here are the boys all dressed up,We dont know if we will Christian on easter so we had it today. They are a couple of cuties!
If I dont post everyday things are probally the same so dont freak out.I will update when I can.

update

Last night was peaceful, He would wake up and look at me so I would talk to him, tell him i loved him. Hopefully today will be as well.

pic

I was laying with Christian and Carter wanted to lay with the baby so we were all taking a nap :)

another rough one

First off i was holding my breath all day yesterday for it was the 13th and that was the day of dx and others things have happened on the number 3.
We went to bed after having an alright day we just sit around and held him all day basically. Then early this morning he was having breathing issues where he was trying hard to breath, so we layed there and told him its ok go with god. We gave him morphin and put the fan on because thats what we were told to do and this morning he is still here with us, opening his eyes holding our hands. We just hate seeing him fight like that.

update

Yesterday was a good day, we gave him a bath with mommy and he must have been relaxed because he ended up taking poop in the tub.Then while daddy was dressing him and making fun of what he did to me he took a pee on daddy so he got us both.
After that he was awake for along time. He was even moving his right arm a little. So it was REALLY nice seeing that from him.

update

Last night was ok, he opened his eyes a little and looked at daddy,and this morning he is moving his head and trying to look at us and squeeze our hands. Of course he could be doing all of this because the patch is wearing off but we will take it.
Thank you all for all of your prayers from your mouths to gods ears.

update

His eyes are now not responding to light, and he has been sleeping for two days not really waking up.He does nod his head alittle and trys to squeeze our hand.
This is the hardest thing to do!

We wanted to thank the ladies that have brought/send us dinner. It has meant alot to us and that is more time we have spent with Christian. So again thank you.

few pics

update

Today has been an ok day he has slept most of the day but was awake enough to smile,show us his fist,play with a little baby snow man(he made me make him one) after that my sister and I took Carter outside to play for abit and I was able to laugh and enjoy time with him. However I felt a little guilty for having the fun with out Christian.

breathing

Christians breathing is starting to be labored. His heart rate keeps going fast then slow.

update

Lastnight was a little better regarding the morphin intake. He only asked for it once so the new higher dose patch must be working like we want it to. He does sleep off and on but he also is awake and showing us that beautiful smile.

We keep getting ask what people can do for us besides pray that things go smoothly dinners or lunches would also be appreciated. We are trying to enjoy every second that we have left with him and alot of times he wants one of us to lay beside him in bed snuggling but that's OK with us.

update

Christian is now on a pain patch as well as morphin. They are trying to find the right dosage to keep the pain under control.
He is sleeping pretty much all day these days but he does wake up for a few seconds and smiles at us.
Once again if you want to visit with him then please do it now and dont wait. He may not be awake when you are here but he will know that you are here if you sit beside him,talk to him touch him.

update

He slept all day yesterday and lastnight needed suctioned more then usual. Today so far he has been awake more and smiling some at us and carter. He can not sit on his own anymore so needs to be surrounded by pillows and blankets.
Again if you want to visit with him please do so asap. he is getting worse everyday.

pics

I love the one with the puppy its like there staring each other down.

Rough night

last night was hell!!!! About two in the morning he woke up choking and we both thought that was it that he was going to die right there. He had a fever of 103.7 so we gave him some tylenol took off his clothes and put cold wash clothes on him. That made us feel sick as hell seeing him like that. The nurse will be coming later to check him out so we will see what she has to say.

Visits

We have talked about this and feel that if anyone would like to come visit Christian that you do it ASAP. With the new medicine its making him pretty sleepy.And we do not know how much longer now we have. So please come visit him soon. Call and let me know when you would like. 206-8949

pain med

We are now giving him the morphin every two hours if needed. Yesterday he was having a bad day with pain.

pain control

We have started him on morphin as of lastnight. He was starting to ask for pain meds before it was time for them so this is our next step and if this does not work he will have a pain patch. I HATE this!

ihopecancer fundraiser

thank you for the new design...... http://www.cafepress.com/ihope/4905571

update

We are seeing something that we have not seen in a long time and that is Christians beautiful smile and laugh. he is still having shaking in his head but he has been in a happy mood lately of course some of it is due to there new puppy.Both boys love it and she loves them. We have gotten some negative talk over this puppy but to look at Christian and see him smile and having fun with her is all that matters. And the ones that unfortunately have been were we are know exactly what we are talking about.We don't know how much longer we will be able to see him like this. Carter as well loves her they run around and play all the time. Which is good because he will really need something when this nightmare happens.
We are so thankful that Christian is a stubborn little person because if he wasn't he probably would not be here today.
Again if you would like to visit please let us know,we are just asking that when you do that you keep things on the softer side for he does not like loud noise.

Party Pics

update

First off we would like to thank the Tops on Union for giving us the cake for Christians last day of school party. The kids loved it! And Party City for letting us in early to get the last minute items.
It was bitter sweet yesterday knowing that it was his last day and knowing why. But it was nice to see how much everyone there loves and cares about him. If he feels up to it we will take him for short visits.
He is getting worse we can tell the difference between vacation lastmonth and now. He is more irritable and frustrated. He does not like loud noise anymore that being tv,people,toys. So we are asking if you come to visit to please keep it on the softer side.
I will add some photos of the party in a bit.

update

Christian had a pretty good weekend, he was in a happy mood yesterday. I think it had to do with his visitors :) This morning he was having the shaking problem again but through out the day it has seemed to get better.
This will more then likely be his last week in school. If anyone wants to visit with him please let us know and come to visit sooner then later.

thank you

We wanted to thank everyone in the WV church family/school kids that have been sending Christian the cards and little gifts. He does love to get mail and this past week he has been one happy little boy. He loved the big valentine card and all of the cards/pictures from the school kids. We read every single one to him. He also loved the blanket.

When it rains it pours

So this week has not been a good one for us, over the weekend we thought the brakes went out on the van, turns out they were fine but needed a battery. The next day Darren goes out to go to the drug store and the van wont move the transmission went out on it on. So we have not had to much luck with the van.
We have all had appointments this week, Christian eye appts to keep an eye on the cornea and Darren and I a follow up however they said that I know have diabeties on top of everything else.
He is not sleeping well at all so in return we are not either. We have tried some meds but they did not seem to help so we will see if we can try something else.
He seems to be in a better mood today, maybe thats because he finally took a poop yesterday it had been a week since that has happened so we had to give him something for that as well. The dr said it will be harder for him to go now and take longer but we need to keep him cleaned out.

Thank You

We would like to thank everyone that was involved with the benefit, and everyone that came. It meant a lot to us to look out and see so many people there to help our family. Words can not be said for how grateful we are to everyone. So again Thank You!

benefit

If anyone comes to the benefit please come up and say hi to us.

another rough one

Last night was a rough one. He was saying his head was shaking and he even threw up a few times. It was a long night and it was hard to see him in pain and when he would say mommy help me and there was nothing i could do for him it broke my heart.
There is nothing worse in this world then not being able to help your baby. Noone even knows what is causing the shaking so we dont know how to help stop it. He is now taking his steriods 4times a day instead of 2. Maybe once that kicks in it will help a little. I am hoping.

The Showers Family Benefit Flyer

A flyer has been put together for this Saturday's event. If anyone wants to put one up, feel free to print off this website. The Showers Family Benefit Flyer

pics

rough night

Last night was not all that great. We were getting ready for bed and he started saying that his head was shaking again and that his head was hurting. So this went on all night long. Dr. said if it gets worse she will put him on another med. Hopefully he will get to feeling better soon since we are still on vacation.
He got to see horses today and ride another tractor. Carter actually rode the horse and loved it. Christian was to scared to get on it so he would just pet it. He did feed it a cookie.
I will add pics later im not feeling so good tonight.

pics

Here are a few pics

update

I have tried to add some pics but it wont let me right now so I will try again later. Today we went to dinner with some church people and they got to see some ducks that are in there pond. Yesterday we played in the snow and built two snow men and threw snow balls at each other and had alot of fun.
Mommy is feeling better now that I got some antibotics so hopefully I wont be sick for the whole vacation.

We made it to nans house yesterday, of course we thought we were driving away from the snow and this morning we look out to snow here. I will add some pics later today after i get them down loaded.

benefit

Hi everyone a friend of ours is going to be holding a benefit for our family so that when the time comes for Darren to stay at home the last days with Christian so here is the info if you would like to donate a basket she would like them by Feb. 1st if you need any other information please email me and I will try to find it out for you.

On Feb 2, 2008, I will be holding a benefit for Christian. It will begin at 5 pm. At the Abundant Life Center. The address is 2155 Old Union Rd. Cheektowaga,NY 14227. Tickets are 20.00 and include an arm's length of chinese auction tickets. pop,food,coffee are included. for any donations of baskets and or tickets email me or call me @ 605-4877 or 276-5916. Thank You!! Vicky
If you like to send a donation please email me and i will give you the address. amikinsjo@yahoo.com


We will also be pulling out first thing in the morning for our vacation I will add pics everyday that he does something fun.

updates

Ent visit went ok he did say that he could close the hole up but its not necessary, and we have opted to not have it done we want to enjoy every second that we have with him at home not at the hospital.
I got the results from my stress test and they said everything looks fine. So it ended up being stress. I am thankful that its not serious for I could not handle anymore bad news.
He has an eye appt. tom. morning.

He did go to school today and i am missing him like crazy but I know that he has fun there and the people there miss him as well.

updates

This week is a little busy for our family. Today I had to have a stress test and will finish it up wednesday. Christian has a follow up appoinment with the ENT doctor on Tuesday to see how the trach hole is doing. He will go back to school on Thursday and Friday after his eye appointment. Monday we have a family meeting with his Onc. doctor and then on tuesday we will be heading out on a vacation. We want to take Christian on one last trip and make lots of memories. We arent sure where all or what all we will be doing but hopefully we will have lots of fun.
I am not allowed to touch the kids today because of the cardiolite they gave me today so its pretty hard on me when christian says he wants to hug me or wants me to hold him. Hopefully by friday things will be back to what we call normal.

MRI

We got a call from the onc. dr today and she said there is growth in the spinal tumor. So this means we will not continue with the chemo he was on and may do another if she and the other docs feel it will help. There is also the possibility of doing radiation just for pain control. He is also going to start on a steroid monday to hopefully help with the pain and the shaking in his head. We should know more by this week sometime.

update

Last night was rough, he kept saying that his head was shaking but when we looked at him he looked fine he said it was on the inside, so I held his head with my hand and he laid close to me. we were scared lastnight watching him,seeing how he is doing. We are still waiting on results and that makes this whole thing worse.

I thought I would tell you how our day went. When we got to the hospital things were going well, christian had a visitor come to see him and got some playdough, another one gave him a sabres shirt and camera(thank you both) we even went down stairs 10 minutes early. So we thought that meant things would go smoothly, we get there and ended up waiting on the doctor for over a half an hour and the scans normally take two hours maybe a little less. Today it was over 3 hours and we were starting to worry. They did get him out after we had asked whats taking so long and put him in recovery. Like normal he threw a fit and cried. They did let him leave recovery early and go back to the floor when we got there he wanted milk they dont normally give you milk after being put to sleep but they did today because he was so unhappy. They let us leave the floor early as well and go home. Christian is still a little crabby but thats how it goes.
I doubt we will learn anything this weekend so when we do I will update.

Happy New Year

we wanted to wish everyone a happy new year we hope its a good one.

Christian seems to be filling a little better today he was playing and crawling some. We are however getting anxious about the scan Friday. We are of course hoping for stable but at this point we just don't know.

People always ask how we are doing and honestly not to well. Our son is sick with cancer and going to die before he should. Its hard for us to even plan ahead in the future because we don't know if he will be here. We cant just close our eyes and believe that things will be alright because they aren't I just wish that everyone around us would get out of denial and realize this. Its easy for them to think this way because they aren't living with him and this 24/7 like we are. We are not giving up hope that a miracle might happen but at the same time we are living the crap life we have been dealt.
We are taking pictures and video of the boys together because I'm so afraid that Carter wont remember how wonderful of a brother he had. When he says I love you momma it breaks my heart but at the same time I cant get enough of it.
People like to say things happen for a reason but what the hell is the reason for this! No child should have to go through any of this.
I pray for the children that are dealing with now and the ones that have lost there life to this and there families.
So pleas keep them in your prayers as well.

MRI

is now on Jan. 4th. So hopefully we will know something after this.

Dr appt.

we went to the doctor today and she checked him over and sent him for a chest xray, the xray shows that he has a viral infection which is good to hear that its something normal for once. She also talked with neuro and are getting his MRI sooner. We will be not starting the chemo until after we have this scan so that we will be able to see whats going on. He did say he hurts in his lower back and she said it could be pushing on some nerves in his legs. This is one reason they want the scan done. We have alot to talk about if things arent what we want to hear. Please continue prayers for christian and us.

update

christian has an appt. tom. to see his Oncology dr. She is also going to see if neuro will have his MRI moved up. We are concerned with how he has been acting and just want to make sure things are still ok. we may have his chemo held off until he has the next scan. Will update more after we see the doctor.

updating

Christian is still sick its been a few weeks now so we took him to the doctor today just to have him checked out, doing clear fluids tonight to see how he does and then go from there, His counts are pretty good so we know its not that. He has lost interest in eating by mouth, crawling and just seems to be more tired, doesnt sleep to well at night is up about every hour. hopefully he will get to feeling better he is suppose to start his 4th round of chemo next week.

As for other things christmas was pretty good we had our families over for dinner and enjoyed the day.

I wanted to aslo add that our aunt has had a stroke so im asking for everyone to say an extra prayer for her and the family.

We wanted to thank who ever sent the package to the boys. Christian will love the thomas backpack and they both love everything else. So again whoever you are thank you!

pics

Here are a few pics the one with santa was at the carlys club party and the ones with the buffalo bills were at there party. Note that christian is not a happy camper he did not want to sit on santas lap.

update

Christian is still trying to get over a cold that he had gotten while in the hospital. Tonight is his last dose of chemo for a few days. He has been more tired and saying that his head and body are hurting. Not sure if its from the chemo or what at this point. His next MRI is Jan. 22nd.

We are trying to get ready for santa to come. Both boys are excited and cant wait.

Please keep all the children and there families in your prayers.

Here he is waiting for the game to start and the kids making thank you cards for the players that gave the tickets so they could go.

pics

Here you go before and after! Doesnt he look good.

Home

We are home now. He had an ok night of course its hard to sleep in the ICU when ppl are talking or your monitor keeps dinging because you are laying on ur stomach and have the leads bent up but his o2 was good all night and they finally decided to take off the leads and then he was able to get a few good hours of sleep in. I will put up new pics soon.

trach

So far things are going well he did get the trach out and is doing good. His o2 has been between 97 and 100. He keeps telling us that itsout now. So now hopefully things will continue to go smoothly and he can keep it out.THanks for the prayers please keep them coming. update more later

Trach Day

We have to be at the hospital by 7am on Friday for his trach removal. His time in the OR is between 9am and 10am. So please say an extra prayer during that time for him that things will go well. Thanks

updates

First off we went to WV to the boys great grandmas for thanksgiving and it was nice to get away from reality for those few days.

Christian is posing in his new outfit (thanks Michelle) in front of the tree. He is excited about Santa coming to visit him and thinks he should be here now.

Things with him are going ok right now is suppose to get his trach removed this Friday,so we are hoping things willwork out and he will be able to breath without it. This is putting his 3rd round of chemo off until this is done and the doctor says he is able to start it.

He is doing ok on the chemo he is still crawling,playing and seems to be in a good mood for the most part. Seeing him be what we call normal makes this whole nightmare that much worse. We put on our smiles for the world but inside we are going crazy. We think will this be our last christmas,will he turn 5. This year is hard to get into the holiday spirit but we are doing our best for Christian and Carter and making as many memories as we can. We can hope that we will have many more years with him but thats something that we arent sure if we will have. So for now we will enjoy every second that we do have with him.

Please keep all the little ones and there families in your thoughts and prayers. Not just for the ones that are still living with this but for the ones that have lost there battle and are now angels. And remember to tell your children that you love them every single day!

Christian's Song of Love

We've found a way to get Christian's song up on the site so here it is...

Christian's Song

Trach and Lift update

We have heard from the ENT doctor today Christian will be having surgery to remove the trach on Nov. 30th. So we are asking that things will go well and he will be able to keep the trach out.

We have been given a lift and had a guy come out today to give an estimate on putting the lift in so hopefully by December we will one in and working. There have been a couple foundations that are offering to help us with the payment of this and we are very grateful for this.

Things are going ok around here he will finish his 2nd dose of VP 16 this saturday. He is doing good in school and is very excited to go visit his great grandma in afew weeks.

Please keep all of the cancer families in your thoughts and prayers.

Little update

Here is Christian the night of Trick or Treat. He went as Thomas the train. He loved going out and getting all the candy, as well as did Carter after afew houses and he realized he was getting candy he couldnt wait to get more.

Christian has finished his one Chemo and is still on the 2nd. He has been saying his head is cold here and there so he has been sitting around with blankets wrapped around his body.

MRI Results

First off I have to say the after scan experience this time was horrible. Christian was not very happy, he was hitting himself, scratching his face and screaming. I do not know if they used a different drug this time or what all I know is it was not fun.

Now for the results, we got the call that everything is stable! So at least its not growing or not growing that fast if it is.But stable is what we were hoping for.

He is having his 2ND round of chemo starting tonight and his next scan will be in January.

MRI Day

Christian will be having his follow up MRI today to see if Chemo is working. Please say an extra prayer that is working. I will update when we find out news.

Ramp/Lift Help Needed

As some of you know we are trying to get a ramp/lift put in before the bad weather hits us. We are however having a hard time with it, so we are asking if anyone that is reading this knows a way and can help us get this done before the snow starts coming. With Christian going to school I have to take him out of his chair in order to get onto and off the porch, the chair is not very light and is complicated. Thank you for any help you can give us right now.

Update

Christian showing off his new hair cut, unfortunately it is starting to fall out again from the chemo.

Went to the eye doctor last week and his eye is looking better now, there was another spot on it a few weeks ago so it was so good to hear some good news.

pics

Here we are trying to make there pumpkins Christian would not even touch the inside he looked in and said ew nasty, carter however had loads of fun digging right into it.

Christian trying on his halloween outfit, thank you to the family that sent this to him.

Pumpkin Farm

we also went to the pumpkin farm today as well, again we all had a lot of fun even if it was a little cold.

Fire Truck

We got to go to a local fire department and have a ride on the truck and the take a look around. The kids (and us) had a lot of fun.

Christian and Carter bday pics.

Christian has officially started crawling this weekend. He puts alittle bit of weight on his left hand but he seems to get around pretty good.

Happy 4th Birthday Christian! We love you

Chemo

He had his first dose of chemo lastnight, he ended up getting sick half the night. The doctor wants us to give him some nausea medicine before he gets the chemo tonight and see how that works. If he gets sick again then we will go down to one drug and work our way up to the second.

On another note we are all sick with colds and are hoping they pass quickly. Other then that he is doing pretty good.

ENT Appt.

Sorry its taken a few days to update the news things have been a little crazy around here. We did get some good news, the Dr wants to down size his trach to a 3.5 and if he does OK with that then it could be out by WINTER!!!! We were happy to hear this some good news is what we needed.
He had a fever and started vomiting the other evening we aren't sure if its from the flu shot he had gotten that day or if he had caught something from somewhere. He is feeling better today though.
We will also start his Chemo Monday evening so at least we will feel like we are doing something to help it. I pray that it does not make him to sick and that he can stay in school and do anything else he wants to do.
Please keep another ependy child in Ur prayers for they are going through a recurrence now as well.
Thanks for the prayers
Hugs to all!

more bday pics

Here is Carter during present opening, he was not into it that at all he just wanted to play.
And Christian was throwing the clothes to daddy and was waiting for the good stuff. I love the pic of him hugging his car pillow.

Bday pics

Christian trying not to fly away and Carter doesnt want to get out of the swing.

Our only option

Hi everyone, We did hear more news on Friday but because of celebrating the boys b-days I decided to wait to update. Dr. Merchant called us and said he would not do radiation on Christian for he feels that he would not be able to handle it, coming from a doctor that does take risk with that it did make us feel defeated in away. He feels that Christian should do chemo to hopefully hold it off, stabilize it. If that doesn't work and it continues to grow then we would change up our chemo drugs. He will have MRI's to montior the chemo.
He said that maybe in 6 to 8 months if he was having symptoms and was stable himself then he might consider doing spine radiation but that sounded like a big might. This is not the news we were hoping for but it is what we have so now we have to make the best of it.
Everyday we have with Christian is a blessing and I only hope and pray that we can have many more days with him.
Thank you again for all your prayers.


Please remember a friend of ours Alex he only has a matter of time now so please keep him and his family in your prayers.

All of our Options

These are the options we have been given, Chemo, radiation or having both at the same time. This is what we have gotten from the docs here in buffalo.

We have heard from Memphis and the dr. feels we should do chemo to buy some time until Christian gets older and then do more radiation.

So now the doctors will discuss what drugs they should use and then we need to decide what we want to do as well. Thanks for the prayers please keep them coming.

Spinal Tap Results

The results came back today and it is a reoccurence in his spine. We meet with the docs tom. afternoon to discuss our options.

some good news

I thought I would share what a good day we have had today, Christian has been on the floor rolling all over the place and trying to crawl. He has also learned that he can sit up all by hisself is laying on his stomach. So now he wants to do it all the time. With everything else that is going on this was a much needed day to see him having such a good time and knowing he can do things on his own. Again thanks for all your prayers.

Spinal Tap

spinal tap is this Friday at 12:30 so we should know results next week.

MRI Results

We got the call today, the spot in his head has grown and now they are worried about the spine she said there was some haziness at the very bottom of the spine so they want to do another spinal tap with in the next week and half. This was not the news we were hoping for so all we can do now is pray that the spine will turn out to be alright. Please keep the prayers going for Christian and the family. Thanks

MRI Day

He had his scan today what we thought was just going to a brain scan ended up being brain and spine so it took over two hours. We do not know anything yet we should at some point next week and thats when I will update y'all on that. Thanks for all the prayers.

On another note he has been throwing up over the past month now either right after he eats or during. He was put on some medicine but that didnt seem to be working so he is now on another one and hopefully that will work and its NOT a sign of the tumor being back.

First Day of School

Here are a few pics of Christian waiting on the school bus. He was actually ok with getting on today, he was a little scared because he had to get on backwards with his chair but hopefuly in time he will get use to that and things will go well.

New Chair

We finally got word that Christian should have his new chair no later then 3 weeks.We can not wait for that.

School Time

I got the call today that Christian does have a nurse for the bus and for school so this means he will be going back on the 5th. Hopefully things will not change between now and then and he will get to go.

Other news his MRI is on Sept. 7th so we are hoping and praying that this will turn out to be good news as well.

bison game

It was the polish festival at the game. This is a staff member giving Christian the practice ball they used that day.

bibleschool pics

Spinal Tap Results

We got the call today and the spinal fluid came back negative.Thank god for that. One step down and one to go, his MRI is Sept. 7th and hopefully it will be good news as well. Thank you everyone for your prayers.

Photo Sales

Hi all, we are going to attempt to start a business selling photography and our intention will be to give a percentage of our sales to ependymoma research so that hopefully some day they can find a cure for Christians brain tumor type. Here is the link for our site and we will also have the link under the links section on the right side of the page. http://cncphoto.org/
Thanks.

Spinal Tap

It will be Friday Aug. 10th at 11:30 so we are asking everyone to say a little prayer around that time that everything will be ok.

Good News and Bad News!!!!

Good news first Christian went to the eye dr yesterday and his vision in his right eye is 20/20 the dr as well as us were surprised, but thats great news.

He also had the nerve testing yesterday and there is no nerve function at all on the right side of his face.

He had his MRI on Tuesday and we have just learned the news they are not sure if its the new machine or tumor there is a spot on his spine and the spot on his brain is growing. They want to do a spinal tap to hopefuly rule out tumor in the spine and another MRI in a month to see if its still growing in his brain. So everyone please say extra prayers that this is not tumor.

Breaking the rules!

We were told Christian should not go swimming with the trach, but we wanted him to enjoy the summer like all the other little ones, He had so much fun just sitting there and moving his hand and leg. Thats all that matters to us.

pics

I thought I would add these pictures of Christian trying to crawl over the weekend. He still is not able to be on his hands and knees but he figured out another way he could do it.

Few updates

This past week Christian has started all of his therapies and the teacher, so far things have are going well. PT brought a walker type piece of equipment to help him walk on his own maybe that will make him feel more independent.

We did take him to the doctor Thursday he was running slight fevers and throwing up his feeds turns out he has an infection so she put him on strong antibiotics. He will be on this for 10 days.

Wednesday we took him to see a plastic surgeon about his facial palsy. He told us that he feels Christian has tone in his face and not to do the 7Th/12Th nerve graft. And that we don't need to rush on this for he is still young and growing. He did mention doing a muscle procedure or a sling procedure in the far out future. Our NS here and a doctor in Tn. are both now saying its to late to do the 7Th/12Th surgery. So now we are stuck with what are we suppose to do, so we are looking for another doctor to get there opinion. The plastic surgeon also mentioned getting him tested to see if there is anything working in his face so this is something else we will look into.
We just want whats best for Christian and wish our doctor wouldn't have told us to wait back in march. We will update more as we figure out things.

Therapy updates

Christian will be starting his summer sessions starting Monday the 9th. He will get a teacher, Speech, OT and Pt so our week will be busy. We are hoping once he starts therapy that his walking will take off and that he will be able to use his hand. I will update sometime after he starts and let you know how it is going.

Celebration Pics

Few updates

First off today is Christians 1year cancer free anniversary YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! it has been a rough road the past few months but we have him and are enjoying every second that we do.

Second we will be getting a nurse she actually will be starting today so we will see how this all plays out.

Some Updates

First off he went to the ENT yesterday and they did not say to much really just checked his site and said come back in September for a scoping to see how the cords are doing. And if they are working and he is doing better then we can start putting smaller trachs in and begin the process of taking it out all together!

For Ms Fawn and Mr Robert we thought you would like to know that he is now walking with our help but he wants to do it and that is great news for us!

More great news today he said mom! yes thats right he talked, he said dad and nan and tried to say Carter. So maybe this is the start of it all and he will be talking in no time. He still will not wear the speaking valve but if can talk with out then thats fine with us.

Relay Pictures

Here we are at the Relay for Life walk. It was an experience I will never forget. Here are a few of us walking the survivors lap, Christian holding on of his luminaria bags and then all of us as we were leaving.

Celebration

We will be having a little gathering on June 20th @ 6pm to celebrate Christians 1 year cancer free date. If you are in the area please stop by and enjoy the evening with us.

appointment update

Today was a hard day for Christian had had his appointments with his Onc. Dr and then saw Neurosurgery N.P. to remove the stitches. Some of them had grown over and was stuck so she had to pull harder to remove them. Meanwhile Christian is very upset it was all I could do to hold him still daddy had to help as well and hold his head. She did leave one stitch for it would not come out so we have to clean 3 times a day and it should losen and come out easy.
We have a follow up in two weeks to check the wound site itself.

On the other hand had an appointment yesterday to start putting together his wheel chair information. He was measured and we discussed what would be best for him. So hopefully now things will move a little faster.

He will also be doing summer sessions at home for school he will recieve speech, OT and PT and a teacher some will be 3times a week and others 2 times.

We are also going to the relay for life tomorrow evening so hopefully I will be able to post a few pics over the weekend.

Picc line

Well this morning Christian's line started leaking so we called the line nurse she came and looked at it but we had to go to the ER to have a new one put in. To our surprise it was not an all day wait we were in and out with in 3 hours. So hopefully this one will last until his meds are finished on the 15th.

Update

So we have been home for a few days now and so far has been crazy with trying to get everything in order and making appointments. Thankfully he is off one of his meds as of today.

We also wanted to say Hi and we miss you our family from Lebonheur in Memphis. And to our new ependy family.

Christian is doing pretty good today he wanted to go shopping :) He wants to eat so hopefully sooner then later he will be able to. We have our appointment for ENT in a few weeks so we will see what they say.

Update

We have been home for a day now and trying to get into this new lifestyle.Hopefully things will be a little easier once he if off one of the medicines it is given four times a day and and the night times are a little tiring. Christian has seemed happier to be home and see Carter. He had sit in his little chair all day yesterday and is in it already this morning.

We are Home

We are home!!!! And so far we are exhausted the nurse came right after we made it in the door and was here forever so we really didnt have to much time to relax. We have been trying to get his equipment together and have found they did not bring everything so im not sure what will happen tonight since its 11pm.

Im and adding a pic from the plane,Christian loved it he had a big smile when it was going up and mommy was holding onto the chair. But it turns out it wasnt all that bad. Going to bed now ill update more later.

Going Home

We are going home today! So im asking for an extra prayer for a safe flight and that we will adjust to being alone with out the nurses! We are all excited about leaving but we will miss everyone here. Ill let you know tonight how things went.

When you are in the hospital you tend to get a little bored so Christian and mommy put these window gels on each other.

Christian with his Tray bear.

And our new extended family.

Help Needed!!!!!!!

We have an offer out there for someone to fly us home but we are waiting to see if they want someone medically inclined to go with us so we are in the need of finding someone that will be willing to do so but it would probably be unofficial for this is a private plane. If its someone that will have to fly back home them selves we are willing to get you a plane ticket back somehow. So if you are willing you let us know on the blog, email or phone call. 716-310-6609. They are saying hopefully Friday will be our day to get out.
Thanks

Update

The infectious disease doctor wants him to get a pic line in today this is something we can go home with. He needs it to get the IV meds he is getting for his infection. We still do not know when we will be leaving Memphis but at least we are working in the direction to do so.

He is a good mood today he is having therapy OT and PT as I am typing this and is doing a pretty good job throwing the balls at the board.

Dr Sanford took off this head bandage this morning and said the area looks good.

Update

Not to much to say but thought I would post about his how happy he seems to be these past few days. He is up in his special chair watching a Barnyard and playing with some animals smiling. We did try his speaking valve this morning and he was trying to say wagon he wanted to go for a ride. So hopefully the more he has it on he will get use to it and be able to talk sooner then later. i do miss hearing that sweet voice of his and the last thing he said to us was i love you mommy right before being wheeled into surgery.
Still no news on when we will get to go home for sure but hopefully it will be sometime next week. I know that when we get home we will have to get use to being home alone with him. So hopefully that first day or so we can relax and spend time with Carter and Christian and just be a family for bit. It is hard being away from the little guy this time around and I know Christian is missing him as well. Have to go for now he needs suctioned again.

Surgery Update

Christian made it through surgery ok he does have an infection but its not in the wound so that was the good news he did put the bone back also. A stitch on the inside came out and that is what caused the infection. He did get a port put in for his meds and that will come out when those are finished. He did however have to get a blood transfussion for his hemoglobin was low. He made it back to the room around 5:30 (memphis time) and has pretty much slept since. He does wake up to make sure we are here with him though. So I guess we will see how the evening goes.

Surgery

He is headed to surgery in just a little while the doctor is going to take his take off part of the bone and clean out the area and decide if he will put the bone back after he is in there and sees what it looks like. He does have an infection the question is now where exactly is it in the actual area where surgery was done or the incision. This will put us here at least another week. Please pray that things will go good and he will heal soon.

Also we just found out that his friend Johnny was admitted here lastnight for an infection and will have surgery as well so please keep both boys in your prayers.

Fevers

Well we have said we may get to come home Thursday but now we may not. Christian has had a few fevers over the past day and half and now some leaking from his incision. We are not sure yet how this effects anything until the doing takes another look at him. We are praying its nothing serious.
On another note our new friend Johnny came back in town Sunday to start his radiation so we are asking that you say an extra prayer for him and his family while they endure this adventure.

We met another family in ICU there baby is 6months old with hear issues so we are asking for prayers for them as well.
Thanks everyone for the prayers.

Update

Christian had a pretty good weekend. We have been cleaning the trach area by ourselves now and are trying to get the hang of it. We will have our last training on Tuesday morning and then in the afternoon have the training on his new equipment for home. So at least we feel like we are getting something accomplished. They are saying that Thursday is our targeted day to leave so we will see. He had his measurements for his new wheelchair or stroller so we will have a way to get him around.
We will update when we know more.

Here is Christian with his new friends Bernard the puppet and Nicholas, and of course what he loves to do take wagon rides!!!

Update

Christian so far has had a good day today, he has been smiling and playing around with us. He had therapy this morning so that wore him out.
We had our cleaning lesson today for the trach it will definitely be a two person job one to hold the trach in place and one to do the actual cleaning/changing. It wasnt to scary but then again we are in the hospital so we had help if would have needed it. They want us to do it his weekend on our own to get use to doing so. Then on Tuesday we will have our final lesson on how to change it out so that should be fun.
Looks like he will be transported home by an ambulance at some point next week. We have to finish our trach training and then do our homecare training for the new equipment. So hopefully things will go as they are planning.

Sorry

For those that have tried to call us yesterday sorry the phone ringer was turned all he way down and so it was not ringing in here. I was trying to turn it down so that it would not wake up christian and looks like I did it to much.

On the other hand he had a good night sleep lastnight. Slept the whole night which was nice for mommy and daddy. We had to suction him when he woke up and that was it.

Update

The past couple of days have went good. We dont have to suction all that much. He got to go for a wagon ride lastnight and he did not want to get out. He also had some PT/OT he got down on the mat and did pretty good for his first time. He will continue to get these while we are here. Hopefully that will help him to recover faster.
We set up a email for Christian for those of you who have trouble posting on here you can email him and he will still get the messages. I do read them to him so he knows who all is thinking about it. christianshowers@yahoo.com

New Room - 5609

Yeah!!!! He is out of ICU as of tonight. His new room is 5609 and his number is 901-287-5609 if anyone would like to call us. Daddy and mommy get to get out for a bit tonight and grandma will sit with him.

These are just a couple of pics that were taken before his surgery and we thought we would share them!

Trach Surgery

He was put back on the vent today to help with resting since he has not slept in 48 hours or so and to get ready for the trach surgery tom. we are not sure what time it is all we know is they are doing it. We are scared about this for it will be alot of work and so on. They keep telling us it wont be as bad after its done but we are just nervous right now. That may be true but it still doesn't change the fact that he is getting one put in.
He is having fluid problems from the surgery the doc came in today and put another stitch to try and help that way and while is in surgery tom. he wants to go and add more if need be. If this does not settle down then he may end up with a shunt as well. So as you can see this has not been the best week for Christian or us. We are mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted.They say that if things go well he should be in a regular floor by monday of next week.

Johnny Sileno

Our new friends the Silenos had a bump in the road on Wednesday and decided to stay in town for observation with concerns about Johnnys head so please keep him and his family in your prayers.

Prayers Needed

He saw the ENT doc this afternoon he let us look into it as well so we could see what he was seeing. He strongly feels that he should get the trach on Friday, he said it could temporary. So we are asking for all the prayers that he will get better before then and not have to go through yet another surgery. Thanks!

They took him off the vent yesterday morning and he did ok all day and through out the night. He is suppose to see the ENT docs today to see if his cord is working or not. They keep bringing up trach so we are praying that it does not go that way.

link

Here is a link about Christians doctors and nurse (which we love) if you wanna take a look!

http://www.commercialappeal.com/mca/local/article/0,2845,MCA_25340_5509153,00.html

We got the pathology report back this evening and it is indeed scar tissue! They have started taking him off meds and lowering his O2 today to get ready for the vent coming out in the morning. Now we are praying that he will be able to handle that and that his vocal cord is working now. He did kick his left leg tonight when they tried putting his foot support on. So we know he can at least move that. I will try to update more as things happen.

Christian is doing better today his stats are staying at least above 90. They took him off on of the sedation meds to see if waking him up a bit will help. He is awake now watching some cartoons and when he sees something he likes he makes me look with him. He does look good today but they arent sure if he will get off the vent on monday it all depends on how he handles everything.
On the other hand we are missing Carter wishing we could give him hugs and kisses.
We also met another family from NY with the same tumor as Christian among talking they have alot in common his name is Johnny please keep him and his family in ur prayers while they are here.
Today is a better day for us seeing Christian awake and somewhat himself. He still isn moving his arm or leg so hopefully in time that will change as well. Thanks for all the prayers I believe they are working!