missing Christian

Today was All Saints day so we went to church this morning, they were remebering all that had passed away this past year. It was hard to be there and to hear his name on the list, see the candle being lite for him and hearing about the garden that we had done there. 

Halloween was ok I think what got me through it was seeing how much fun Carter had, he did however fall down some steps and as a result has a big boo boo on his nose, so for a few houses after that he would say he hurt his nose instead of saying thank you, of course my heart stopped when I looked over at him and saw him going head first. UGH!

There is not a second of the day that im not missing Christian, life is so unfair sometimes. I just want to hug my sweet boy and hold him forever. 

We are going to another support group that is starting for bereaved cancer parents monday evening. Its going to be hard to see all these parents I dont know if there will be anyone that we know attending or not. It will be nice to see them but at the sametime hard as h***.I just hope that this will help get me through the holidays.