Today we took Carter fishing it was hard to even go because Christian loved it so much. However right now Carter is not really into it he wanted to run around and play in the dirt.
Its been an up and down for me today I just really miss my sweet boy, it hurts to look at his pictures but at the time he is so beautiful that I just cant stop.
Darrens bday was yesterday and mine is this saturday they just arent the same without having him here with us. We arent celebrating this year but we are trying to have ok days. There are moments that things seem to be normal (what we consider to be) but later there is guilt for feeling that way because he has only been gone a little over a week now. We know that he is probally looking down on us telling us to enjoy ourselves and Carter but at the same time it just doesnt feel right.
We gave Carter a hair cut ill post pics sometime in the near future.
About Me
- ^Christian Showers^
- Christian was dx with a brain tumor in Oct. 2005 ten days after his 2nd bday. Since then he has been through 3 brain surgeries for tumor removal,radiation and chemo twice. He was a tough little guy and fought as long and hard as he could but he earned my wings on March 23rd 2008 easter sunday, He just could not fight any longer. You are gone our sweet boy but never FORGOTTEN! We love and miss you with all our hearts. Forever 4.
6 comments:
Amy and Darren,
I have not lost a child so for me to feel or understand what you all are going through would be a lie. I have lost loved ones, but never a child. You need to be strong for your son carter as well as for yourself. Don't feel guilty for being a strong person to pull your family together. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted on how you are all doing.
Hi Amy- Cant take away the hurt, obviously. What I can do is say to you what you already know. You and Darren gave Christian all you had. He knew it. Guilt shouldnt be a part of the equation. And I hope it wont. He was happy. I know this for sure. Yes, alot of trials for a young boy but he knew those around him cared and loved him. He would want the same for Carter, your attention and love. You know, our other kids are just not our BT kids. They have a peace about them somehow. More complacent, more open to things. Carter may never be that much like Christian, although he looks alot like him. Look at Jared and Nicholas(LOL). Now those two could write a book on different. But I suspect that one day Carter will find out he likes fishing. In the meantime, love yourself. You both did great with Christian. No fault, blame or guilt there, ok? Push that one as far away as you possibly can.
Jalena
Having wallowed in my own self pity over the years, from being sick, missing out on life, or the side effects from meds, your little boy has given me strength.
I have printed out one of Christain's photos from this blog and have it hanging in my office to remind me daily what strength, courage and love look like.
His light still shines and the world is brighter because of him. I know God has his arms around him right now, as he does you and your family.
Blessings to you all.
Dear Amy and Darren - try hard to love yourselves a little more these days - just recognize how fragile you are right now - almost breakable. Treat yourselves gently until little by little your strength returns. Just know you are amazing parents. Abraham Lincoln wrote the following to a friend who lost a child. Mr. Lincoln had already lost two sons. This was sent to me many years ago and I still find the words comforting. I hope you do too.
"In this sad world of ours sorrow comes to all. And it often comes with bitter agony. Perfect relief is not possible except with time. It is a mistake to believe you will never be happy again. Knowing this, truly believing this, will make you less sorrowful now. I have had experience enough to know what I say is true".
Don't feel guilty about anything you do during the course of a minute, an hour or a day. There will be moments when you feel a sense of calm - that's fine. Those moments will increase with time. It does not mean you're not thinking of Christian - it means he's sending his love to you - helping you heal. Stay strong and know many people love you. Kathy Martel Sileno
Hi guys,
One day at a time as they say.
I can't wait to see that hair cut. We are always thinking of you..
Dona, Rob and Ian
Amy and Darren,
There is not a day that goes by that my heart does not hurt for you two. You two are very strong but I know this is horribly painful right now. Celebrate your birthdays, Amy and Darren. Celebrate because Christian would have loved it. You two deserve to celebrate your lives because you were the best parents Christian could have had on this earth. Be sad, cry, be angry! It's ok. I'm a little mad at God right now myself. He is a BIG God. He can take it. God will heal your heart one day. Until that day comes, I'll continue to pray for you both. I love you all.
Gina Tyra
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