Isabella Willow

Isabella Willow made it to the world on Tuesday 9/1/09 at 8:45pm weighing 7lbs and 3ozs and 19 inches long.

photos that were done for us by another angels momma

some photos christians garden and nursery

its been awhile

The past few weeks have been a rough one for me. I have been missing Christian more and more nothing I do helps any. I think about the fact that he wont be here when Carter starts school for the first time and he wont be here when the Isabella arrives. I know he is in spirit but its not the same he is suppose to be here in person. Time is not healing for me not right now at least.

Someone said something today that bothered me, she said just how many shirts do you have like that(meaning with Christians photo on it) whats it matter to her if thats what I decide to wear he is my son and miss him more then anything in this world and I want him here with me! So I kept my mouth shut and went on with the conversation. If you have not lost a child then you really dont know how I am feeling or what I going through and that maybe having his face on a shirt helps me get through the day!!!

As I mentioned Carter will be starting prek this year and I am not looking forward to it. My baby boy is growing up way to fast. We have him potty trained now boy was that a trip. He finally has it for the most part. I cant believe he will be 4 in november im freaking out about that as well since he will soon be older then Christian since he was 4 1/2 when he passed away.

I only hope and pray that the next year will be easier then the last one....

As for the baby she is growing well and everything seems to be ok. My blood sugar levels have been a little up so on medicine for that and seeing the doctor every week weather it be OBGYN or Diabetic and having sono appointments thrown in there as well. I cant wait for her to get out and hopefully life will go back to "normal" for myself at least not running to appointments or taking shots. My due date is in less then 10 weeks but im really hoping and praying that she will make it out before sept. 9th and Carter goes off to school I dont want to miss his first days.

We have been redoing the nursery and it has been a roller coaster for me I could not change the theme after all so we have added to it. We had done the room for Christian when he was a baby and it has been that way ever since. But I think we have done a good job making it into a little girls room.

Baby News

I had a sono yesterday and we found out this baby is a GIRL....so cartie was right all along. She was being stubborn so this is the best picture they could take. She is already acting like her big brothers :)

a year today.....

I can not believe its been a whole year today since you left us here on earth my sweet Christian. I miss you more and more every day. Life just is not the same without you, my heart is broken.
This morning Carter said he wanted to come see you and he has been talking about you all weekend. He sure does miss his big brother to.
I am so angry that you had to die from cancer and that your life was cut so short. What I would not do to have you back with us.
We sold some choc. candies and raised money for ependymoma research in your memory god how I wish it was in your honor. I only hope that one day they will have a cure and other families wont have to go through what ours has to.
I know you are with us each and every day in spirit and in our hearts but I miss hugging you,smelling you, hearing those I love you mommys. I miss being able to lay down beside you and sleep. God I miss everything about you.I hate that you arent here to teach Carter stuff and to fight with him.
We miss you our little angel....

We love you now and forever our sweet sweet Christian.......

updating

Its been awhile since ive posted but wanted to let you all know how we are doing. We filled out paperwork for prek so hopefully next year he will get to go to school.

A few weeks ago Carter runs up to me when I walked into the door and said theres a baby in your belly and of course I thought he was crazy and wondered why he would say something like that. I went to OBGYN today and I am nine weeks pregnant due in late september. He also said its a girl so only time will tell on that one. But I have to think that our sweet Christian had something to do with all of this.

I miss him more and more every day and I can only hope he will watch over this new baby like he does Carter....

its been awhile

So I thought I would update, we are all doing ok for the most part. Carter has a cold so im hoping that will pass soon.
There is not a second in the day that im not missing you Christian and wishing you were here with us.

We are trying to raise money for ependy research and right now we are selling some choc. suckers that our friend(christians girl friend) Vicky help me make. We will be selling them this Friday night at the Airport Lanes (bowling alley). I want to be able to make a donation by March 23rd that will mark one year since our sweet Christian left us. And im hoping that one day they will find a cure for this so that noone else will have to endure the pain that we are going through every day. So if you would like to make a donation to help the other children you can email me at amikinsjo@yahoo.com for more information. Thank you

I cant wait for spring so I can start working in his garden again, im so tired of seeing all the snow back there....

prayers needed

I found out today that my grandma Bessie does not have one tumor but they found another one. Both are around her eye. As of right now they are going to do another MRI in February to see if its growing. This is all I know right now but I do know that my family could use all of the extra prayers that are out there. 

Expanding Photo business

Hi everyone, I wanted to let you know that ive expanded my photography business onto cafepress, this way I can sell the photos on other items. www.cafepress.com/cncphoto 

Update on us, christmas was a little rough for me I was missing Christian and it wasnt the same without him. We did go to grandmas so that was nice to see the family. I hope everyones holidays went well.

updating/prayers needed

We took Carter to see santa last weekend and he would not sit on his lap infact he would not let go of Darren. But santa was nice enough to stand to get a photo. We are getting ready for christmas now making our plans for going to wv and spend time with the family. I am having more and more bad moments these days christmas just isnt the same.

Im asking for prayers for some family members. Grandma Bessie has to have another surgery after the new year for yet another tumor this one is below/around her eye. My aunt Mary who has been battling cancer for a long time now and is not doing so well, also ive just found out that my other aunt Graceann found out she has cancer and it doesnt look to well for her. So as you see there is to much cancer in my family,im just hoping I will be alright and can handle being around everyone for the holidays. 

We are having dinner/christmas saturday with some good friends and then on sunday with Darrens family, we will be having ours on christmas eve to change things up alittle. So as you can see our weekend is going to be really busy. 

Also keep all of the families that have lost there children this past year in your thoughts and prayers over the holiday season.

Christmas

First off we want to thank everyone that has sent us christmas cards. We would like everyone to know that we will not be doing cards this year and we hope that you all understand. If we did not have Carter we would skip it all together this year.

That being said with christmas right around the corner im finding myself having more and more bad days. When I wake up I dont want to get out of bed but I have to for Carter, I wake up angry anymore that ^Christian^ got cancer and then it took his life. There is no greater pain then a mother/father  mourning there child. It will be nine months on the 23rd since he left us and it the pain is only getting worse. 

Carter ask me one day while I was upset what was wrong with me he said in his sweet little voice are you sad mommy, so I said yes I am mommy is missing Christian. So he took me by the hand over to the window and opened the curtian to point up to the sky and said mommy the babys in the sky. That broke my heart.

So once again if you are reading this and you have children doesnt matter there age tell them you love them every single day and give them hugs and kisses. 

Missing you more then anything my sweet Christian wishing you were here with me right now snuggling on my lap....I wish I could hold you my sweet Angel.

updating

Thanksgiving is over and now christmas is on its way. The holidays just arent the same without Christian and without him its making it hard for me to get into the holiday spirit. Christian loved christmas and all the decorations and gifts and all that went with it. We did manage to decorate for Carter he is all about christmas now thanks to all of the movies that have been on already.

If it were up to me I would skip it all together this year. 

The hardest part in putting up decorations was pulling out the little tree with the little disney book ornaments, that was Christians tree he had it up in the hospital and we had it up here and every year he would help put the books on and we would argue over where to put them again it wasnt the same not having him here to help to all of this. 

We spent thanksgiving at a friends house this year and itwas nice but at the same time one of us was missing. We are going to WV for christmas to grandmas house all she wants is for her whole family to be there to have dinner and im looking forward to seeing everyone but at the same time all of my family wont be there. I dont know how im going to get through this next month.

carters bday pics

Missing Christian...Carters bday

We are having Carters 3rd bday party on Saturday and im trying to be happy and pretend that im ok when the truth is im breaking inside, im missing Christian more and more every second of the day. Wishing he was here to celebrate Carters bday and just be here to do all the brother stuff with him. 

I went to get Carter out of bed the other morning and as soon as I walked into the room he sat up and said the babys in the sky. I often wonder if he thinks about Christian or sees him in his dreams. I hope that he does so that can be his way of remembering his brother. 

Ill add pictures from his party sometime soon. 

our little lighting mcqueen

This was halloween night, and his booboo from falling down the steps at a house.

missing Christian

Today was All Saints day so we went to church this morning, they were remebering all that had passed away this past year. It was hard to be there and to hear his name on the list, see the candle being lite for him and hearing about the garden that we had done there. 

Halloween was ok I think what got me through it was seeing how much fun Carter had, he did however fall down some steps and as a result has a big boo boo on his nose, so for a few houses after that he would say he hurt his nose instead of saying thank you, of course my heart stopped when I looked over at him and saw him going head first. UGH!

There is not a second of the day that im not missing Christian, life is so unfair sometimes. I just want to hug my sweet boy and hold him forever. 

We are going to another support group that is starting for bereaved cancer parents monday evening. Its going to be hard to see all these parents I dont know if there will be anyone that we know attending or not. It will be nice to see them but at the sametime hard as h***.I just hope that this will help get me through the holidays.

 

Prayers Needed

For the Meyers family, there son Christian passed away on sunday. Please keep his family in your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. His mom is also battling cancer so please say an extra prayer for her.
Thank you

carties pics

missing him

As the holidays get closer im missing Christian even more. I wish he was here so I could hug, kiss and hold him. A big part of our family is missing and no day will ever be the same. As I sit and watch Carter playing in the pjs that Christian wore last year it makes me sad and now that Carter is starting to use the potty it makes me realize that Christian would have done that two years ago if he would not have gotten sick.

I know that they are two different children but when u lose one of them this is just how a parent feels about things, and for all the ones that are reading this they understand what im saying.

Ive been down myself I hurt something in my hip area and have not been able to do to much for over a week. So that gives a lot of time to sit and think and miss him.I am starting to feel a little better now but I cant wait to be fully recovered.

We went out on Sunday and took some pictures of Carter for his 3rd bday in Nov. I honestly dont know what I would do with out him. He has been a blessing for us something to get up for everymorning. We are getting to know him now and that makes me sad that we missed so much of his life but we had to be with Christian.

Anyways ill add a couple of pics of Cartie in a new message....